It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
