I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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