If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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