"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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