Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
