She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
