Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
