"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
