I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
