I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
