omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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