lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
