I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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