we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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