Moan for me like Helen Keller
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
