THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
