i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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