Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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