So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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