Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
