she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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