ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
