oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
