I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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