In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
