There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
