Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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