I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
