he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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