It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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