Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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