You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
