I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Terrible idea I love it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
