If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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