Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
