Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
