i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was like eating out sand paper
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
