We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
