I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
