Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
