you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
