just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
