Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
