so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
