I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
