We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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