Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
