a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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