i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize