i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ladies don't puke and tell
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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