if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
