i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
