Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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